A Guide to Speak Dating Like a Gen Z: Fifty-One Niche Words for Romance, Intimacy and Bad Behaviour

The current year marks a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a partner has only become more bewildering – an frequently pointless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a generation who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted challenge on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed breakdown to the words this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

The Letter A

Realness – According to gen Z, dating’s ideal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A social media test inspired by a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes partners who choose against having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks indicating a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their exes unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions validate your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, largely benign quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly shut down any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {